People “grow” around sadness. It is one of those feelings that has to be “borne” or “worked through.” But “bearing it” and “working it through” all alone is rarely the best choice. Like horses and donkeys, we are “herd” animals. We need the help of our “herd” to bear and tolerate this pain. Going to bed, avoiding, isolating, saying “I’m fine”, ignoring it, falling into a deep depression or other maladaptive behaviors-none of this works for optimal mental health-or even physical health for that matter.
My grandmother lost her beloved son (and my father his beloved brother) when the boy was 11 years old after a long and excruciating illness. She had no one to help. She went to bed for a year and her husband got very busy at work and stayed very late hours, often not even returning home for the evening. My father and his siblings were emotionally abandoned at a time that they needed their parents the most.
As a little girl, I knew none of this story. It was not spoken of-it was buried in the deep recesses of their minds (and family secrets) but not in their hearts or bodies. My Grandmother was the saddest woman (though a very loving woman) that I had ever known-and I did not know why. She died of crippling arthritis and a broken heart. My grandfather, at age 97 before he died, wept and asked my aunt why had his little boy been taken away. My father (age 80) wept inconsolably in a restaurant at dinner one night when I asked him about this little brother. I felt sadness and grief for years associated with what I NOW know was this horrible PAST FAMILY experience/history. I teared as I gave a presentation on GRIEF in one of my graduate school classes. I, unknowingly carried this family pain…
Help is far more available today than it was years ago. I am an expert on GRIEF both personally and professionally. I know animals help us with our sorrows-some people say you have as many animals as you do sorrows! Equine Assisted Psychotherapy is a POWERFUL tool to help those who grieve-no one has to do it ALONE anymore if they will just avail themselves of the help that is available. I hope more and more people will let themselves be helped through their grief. We are HERD ANIMALS and we need to let ourselves use all the resources available to us which includes people and horses who understand and are there for you.
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