The Denim ‘n Dirt Blog

Well, YES it does. MINDFULNESS (a significant psychological paradigm) is a most important “here and now” paradigm but we must also be MINDFUL of “from whence we come.” Neuroscience today is very clear about early environment (quality of nurture relationships) having the most influence on the emotional patterns of our “grown up” lives.

Genetics gives us our “basic blueprint” and our early relational experiences can optimize and enhance that “blueprint” or impair the original “blueprint.” Our genetics and how we are treated and nurtured in our early lives do make a difference in our grown-up emotional patterns. To really know yourself better, study your family tree and learn as much as you can about your family-YOUR HISTORY. This will help us at Denim ‘n Dirt help you! Our team-horses and therapists are all here to help you know your self better and live a more effective and happy life. Come discover more about yourself with us.

AND FEELINGS WE DO HAVE! Did you know how important FEELINGS are? Sometimes we think feelings are a “nuisance” and just want to get rid of them! What a mistake that would be. We were made to have feelings and to use them as a guide to our lives.

Some of the most important emotional work to be done for all of us is to learn to understand and interpret what our feelings are telling us. Without this SKILL, we are like boats lost at sea without our compasses. Feelings are an INFORMATION SYSTEM. Do not ignore or try to discard this vital biological system! That strategy always backfires…

Come out to Denim ‘n Dirt EAGL and let us help you learn to experience and use your feelings for EFFECTIVE LIVING. With the help of our finely attuned and aware equine co-therapists, we can help you learn to skillfully utilize your information system!

This picture shows how our equine friends “mirror” our feelings and moods! Happy person, happy equine! Nervous horse-we know we got a “anxious” person in our midst! Angry person…watch out! The horses start to kick or bite each other-with equines, NO ONE CAN HIDE their feelings. Is this good or bad?-Depends on how much you want to learn about your emotional life. Learning about one’s emotions is the corner stone of all psychotherapy. Psychotherapy is TODAY’S most respected medical model to help people “emotionally grow” in such a way that promotes their WELL-BEING.

Welcome to Equine Assisted Growth and Learning. With the help of our equine co-therapists and facilitators, we are able to help our clients see MORE QUICKLY what is going on “inside of their minds and hearts”, ultimately speeding up the process of psychotherapy. Our team at Denim ‘n Dirt EAGL is forever GRATEFUL to our equines who join us to facilitate the therapy process in such a profound and effective way!

This picture “says it all.” Sweet breath, sweet presence…just BE with me.

Sometimes Mom/Dad and kid really need to have a good talk about what is REALLY “going on”.  Communication between Parent and Child is on-going and needs to be as clear as possible. We have marveled at this parent/child interaction and truly believe we can take some good lessons with how Mom has handled this little guy. She is crystal clear and as a result, he listens pretty well! Hope you all who are struggling with PARENTING ISSUES will come out and take some lessons from this really FABULOUS PARENT. This little guy just might remind you of yourself as a kid or your own kid! EAP rocks!

Noticing my donkey was not eating with her normal gusto, I went into her paddock and discovered one puncture wound after another on her sweet face, chest, legs, belly and on and on. Horrified and shocked, I then noticed our little two year old girl wobbling and not looking her “normal self” either! As the shock wore off, I registered that these two precious girls had been clearly attacked by some canine (coyote, feral dog or larger feline?). Both came to me and laid their their little faces in my lap as I put in an emergency call to our beloved Vet, Dr. David Robertson.

As Dr.Robertson shaved off their hair and scrubbed and assessed their wounds, the little three year old “cozied up” beside me and let me “hold” her, support her and be with her in pain. The little donkey SOUGHT AFTER and ACCEPTED the help with tenderness and courage. She did not RESIST HELP. She does not suffer from human pride luckily. Able to RECOGNIZE HER VULNERABILITY and WOUNDEDNESS, she knew to ASK FOR and ACCEPT THE HELP.

As the CAREGIVER along with Dr. Robertson, I was very “moved” by her WILLINGNESS TO BE TOUCHED despite her pain and fear. Even the inexperienced, wounded two year old was able to LEAN INTO the help as she nestled her little face between my legs. My donkeys teach me how to live in the face of pain….

How many of us can really be OPEN and AVAILABLE and WISE enough to signal when we need help and to actually ACCEPT HELP without RESISTANCE? Let this be a lesson for us all…

As I was observing my small herd of donkeys the other day, it suddenly donned on me how much these special equines have to teach us about HOW TO LIVE! With their BIG ears, they are either listening or are ready to listen in a nano-second. Their doe-lie eyes are constantly looking, yet they are still playful and relaxed. Moving from relaxed to alert is natural for donkeys or alert to relaxed-either way works for donkeys!

They often love hugs and will ask for affection without apology! Being close to another is “a given” for donkeys and they will seek closeness from both humans and other donkeys. Have they read the research on health and close relationships? Maybe they didn’t have to read it; for them, it is a “no-brainer.” BEST FRIENDS are notorious in the donkey world…no donkey is without a best friend.

The donkeys STAY CURIOUS-something I am often telling my patients when it comes to feelings and human emotional dynamics! They demonstrate their curiosity in all sorts of ways-big ears listening, forward and alert or leaned back or out to the side; nose to the ground inspecting what is in front of them or heads up-all systems alert!

Donkeys rest WHENEVER THEY NEED TO and they PLAY when the “spirit moves them.” They run, jump and kick up their heals with no embarrassment or apology! They listen to their bodies and eat when they are hungry; they do not skip meals or worry about their weight and in fact, never turn down a treat!

And guess what…donkeys use their VOICE and allow themselves to be heard!

If only we humans could be more like donkeys!

They say that falling in love is the only “socially acceptable form of psychosis.” This temporary form of “insanity” is called INFATUATION. When you are infatuated, your back is to all “the shit.” We do not see the “flaws” of the person we are in love with-or if we do, we might think these characteristics are “cute” or “will change” or just not see them at all (denial)!

In this “state of mind”, we see only what we want to see or some say we see “projections of ourselves”-the good part of ourselves, that is! We arrive at the “real part of loving” later when we see the “shit” and there is more “heavy lifting” to do-and here in “begins the work” of a relationship.

When the loves grows older and the infatuation wears off, we are confronted with the “manure (no, I did not say mature!) parts” of the relationship- the daily routine grind of living together and dealing with the “shit” of life together. Can we keep the love growing between us even as we deal with the routine and mundane?

Good, loving relationships are a lot of work. There is lots of on-going “manure” to clean up-even on a daily basis. Everyone has “manure”, “shit to deal with”, “psychological issues”-call it what you want but it has to be seen and dealt with if a relationship is to continue on the “intimacy path.”

As couples process together and separately their psychological/emotional issues, this very endeavor will create “clean” loving space and joy to share.